All posts in category Personal

In Transit

© CJ Levinson 2013

I am lost
And have no home
But I have all I need -
Love and my dreams

Caves Beach in Black and White

A home is more than
Bricks and stone:
It is the memories
In your heart

Caves Beach Sunset

I took the photos in this post over the course of the last week. All of these photos are from around Caves Beach, which is a small town about two hours north of Sydney, near Newcastle. My mother and I are currently staying here with my grandparents and I took most of these from their balcony, overlooking the ocean.

Caves Beach is a beautiful location and is wonderful for photography. I’ve been spending a couple of hours every day exploring the beaches and lakes nearby and it’s been very therapeutic after a stressful few months.

My mother and I are here because we are essentially homeless at the moment; we both had to take out AVOs against my father as he became increasingly violent after his suicide attempt, which was one of the hardest and most painful things I have ever done, and without his additional income to support us, we were unable to pay the rent on our flat in Sydney and so our landlords kicked us out. All of our belongings are currently in storage while we try to find somewhere more permanent to live and it has just been the most awful time, first coming to terms with what’s happened to my father and now losing our home too. But coming here, being surrounded by such beauty, has been very therapeutic and has given me a chance to reflect on everything that has happened and begin to heal and I feel thankful for that much at least.

Orange Moon Rising Over the Lake

I’ve taken a lot of photos and will be posting more of them over the coming days but I think my favourite so far is the sunset above. I love the colours and how peaceful it feels but also the promise a sunset brings: how, as the sun goes down, you know it will rise again on a new day. That is how I feel at the moment: that despite everything that has happened and losing our home, tomorrow is a new day and will bring better things. Hopefully it won’t be long in coming.

Photos and haiqua © CJ Levinson 2013

1 Comment
by cjlevinson on April 28, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Australia, Blogging, Life, Personal, Photography, Thoughts
Tagged , , , ,

Posted by cjlevinson on April 28, 2013

http://cjlevinson.com/2013/04/28/in-transit/

Come Home

The Long Road Home

Sitting alone with my thoughts
I feel the tears come again
They run down my face
Like rain in the desert
And I’m not ashamed
For I’ve seen stronger men cry
For far less than this
And so I cry and I cry
Until the tears fall no longer
And then I stare at your picture
And wonder where in the darkness
You have gone?

I just hope that
Wherever you’ve gone
You’ll come home soon

All I wanted was to help you
But you pushed me away
Time and again
Like I meant nothing
Until my tears became fortresses
To protect me from your armies of pain
You hurt me so much
That I didn’t think it could hurt any more
And now I know I was right about everything
But it brings me no comfort
I just wish that you’d heard me earlier
So that perhaps we wouldn’t be here today

And I hope that
Wherever you’ve gone
You’ll come home soon

And I know that deep in your heart
You didn’t mean the things you said
And I know that in your right mind
You never would have done it
But something deep inside
Has got its hold on you
A monster eating away
That’s filled you with lies and deception
But I know it’s not you
And so I forgive you
I just hope that in time
You can forgive yourself too

And I hope that
Wherever you’ve gone
You’ll come home soon

It would break my heart if you ended your life
So we’ll find a way through this together
I can’t promise not to be angry
Or not to cry or feel betrayed
But I promise to still be there
And I’ll take your hand and lead you forward
And walk with you through the darkness
Into the light
And whatever the future brings
We’ll face it one day at a time
And get through it together
So please come home soon

Please
Wherever you’ve gone
Come home soon

I wrote this poem over the course of the last week. I wrote it in two sessions and it’s probably the fastest poem I have ever written; it took about two hours to write and each time I sat down, the words poured straight out and needed very little editing, which is unusual for me.

The poem really started as a way of processing a very difficult situation my family has been going through these last few weeks. A member of my family tried to commit suicide two weeks ago; while I don’t want to say who it was publicly, it was someone who is very close to me and it was an extremely close call and it has left me absolutely devastated.

It came without any real warning and I’ve been going through a mix of different emotions since, predominantly shock, and also anger. The anger isn’t necessarily over the attempt itself but over other factors as well and while it’s a natural response, I realised several days ago that I haven’t really been processing it properly and the anger has been making my pain a lot worse as well and it’s something I have to try to let go of. So writing this poem has been my way of trying to do that and to accept what happened.

The poem is probably the most personal one I’ve written and is based on my own thoughts and feelings but I’ve also tried to make it so that hopefully everyone can see a bit of themselves in it too. I wanted it to feel personal but unique as well so that hopefully everyone who reads it can get something different out of it.

The photo by the way is one of the first street photos I took, of a man who seemed a bit lost in his own world. He didn’t even notice me taking the photo and I thought the scene suited the poem.

I hope you like the poem and that it brings some hope and beauty to a dark situation, one I know many people find themselves in. Mental illness and chronic depression are terrible ordeals, not just for those suffering them but their families as well. ~ CJ.

Photo: The Long Road Home © CJ Levinson 2011
Poem licenced under Creative Commons

2 Comments
by cjlevinson on February 27, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Blogging, Life, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Thoughts, Writing
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by cjlevinson on February 27, 2013

http://cjlevinson.com/2013/02/27/come-home/

Sunday Morning at Coogee Oval

CJ Presentation

Just a quick update. One of my photos, “Cricket at Coogee Oval”, won a photo competition last week. I entered it in the Randwick Petersham Cricket Club’s photo competition a little while ago and found out last week that it won first place.

There was a small presentation on Sunday morning at Coogee Oval hosted by Mike Whitney, the former NSW and Australia fast bowler and RPCC President, and my mother took the photo above as I accepted my prize, a Canon SX40 camera and a certificate signed by Mr. Whitney.

It was a really nice presentation and it was a thrill meeting Mr. Whitney, who was one of my favourite cricketers during the late 80s and early 90s. It was great meeting the other finalists as well; all the photos were of very high quality and I was very impressed. To be honest I’m amazed I won – I was just happy to make the final ten and didn’t think I had much chance of winning at all, so it was a nice surprise.

It meant a lot to me as well as the last few weeks have been a bit of a nightmare for my family. I’ll explain more in another post soon but we’ve had a very, very traumatic couple of weeks and getting this news came at just the right time to ease some of the burden.

So I am very grateful for that and thank you to everyone at the RPCC and Canon for running such an enjoyable competition and hopefully it will go from strength to strength each year.

Canon Camera

I took a quick photo of the camera once I’d unboxed it as well, so I thought I’d post that as well. It looks like a great camera so I can’t wait to try it out properly this weekend. :)

Leave a Comment
by cjlevinson on February 26, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Blogging, Life, Personal, Photography, Random, Thoughts
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by cjlevinson on February 26, 2013

http://cjlevinson.com/2013/02/26/sunday-morning-at-coogee-oval/

Summer Sunset

Summer Sunset

A summer sunset
A moment of pure beauty
In an ugly world

I took this photo this evening from our balcony, just as the sun began to set. It was a spectacular sunset, with the entire sky seeming to catch fire for many minutes, before gradually fading away.

After receiving some upsetting news today, it was nice to end the day with a sight of such beauty and grace. It’s a reminder that, even in your darkest moments, beauty is never that far away. The world really can take your breath away sometimes.

Photo and haiqua © CJ Levinson 2013

2 Comments
by cjlevinson on January 16, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Blogging, Life, Personal, Photography, Random, Writing
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by cjlevinson on January 16, 2013

http://cjlevinson.com/2013/01/16/summer-sunset/

Christmas in Photos

15 Frederick Street

Christmas light panorama from Frederick Street, Randwick

These are some of the other photos I took over the Christmas period. I had meant to post them before Christmas but didn’t get a chance to sort through them all in time, so I thought I’d post them now instead.

Most of the photos are from around Sydney, except for the first few which I took during my trip to Melbourne last month. The Christmas lights are all from houses in Frederick Street in Randwick, near where we live.

My favourites are the ones from around the Queen Victoria Building in the Sydney CBD, which was beautifully decorated this year. I had coffee there with my mother on Christmas Eve and was spoilt for choice, walking around, trying to work out what to photograph.

There are quite a few photos so I’ve split them after a page break to make it load faster and you can click on any of them to make them larger as well. I hope you enjoy them and that you had a wonderful festive break. ~ CJ.

Melbourne at Christmas

The Melbourne CBD, decorated for Christmas. I wish I’d spent more time wandering around as there was a lot I didn’t get a chance to photograph and the decorations were beautiful. Next year, I guess.

Melbourne Christmas Windows

Myer’s Christmas windows in Melbourne. This year’s window displays were based on Rob Scotton’s “Russell’s Christmas Magic” and there was also a separate window with a nativity scene.

Melbourne Christmas Windows

“Russell’s Christmas Magic” is about Russell the Sheep, who comes to the rescue when Santa and his broken sleigh are left stranded in Firefly Wood. It really felt like the book was coming to life.

Myer Melbourne Christmas windows

The sheep, Santa and reindeer were fabulous and most were fully articulating. The frogs were my favourite though – very cute.

(more…)

1 Comment
by cjlevinson on December 29, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Blogging, Life, Personal, Photography
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by cjlevinson on December 29, 2012

http://cjlevinson.com/2012/12/29/christmas-in-photos-2012/

Have Yourself An Aussie Kind of Christmas

Christmas Salad

Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating in their part of the world today. I hope you are having a wonderful day with your family and friends.

We did things a little bit differently this year. We can’t cook much in our kitchen at the moment as our stove has pretty much had it, so we had our main Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve instead and went out for a meal at a local restaurant which was lovely. A work-friend of my father’s joined us as well and it was nice sharing the Christmas cheer. We had a quiet day today, opening a few presents and then had a light Christmas salad for dinner. It was simple and all we really wanted to do this year. I don’t think any of us wanted to make much fuss after an eventful year.

We visited my uncle, his partner and my cousins last Saturday as well, which was a lovely trip. They spoilt us rotten and it was fun being around children and a young family at Christmas again. I got some great photos of the surrounding bushland while we were there as well which I’m looking forward to posting at some stage.

In any case, as has become something of a tradition on my blog now, to celebrate Christmas I’ve written another one of my Aussie Christmas songs. Last year I wrote Deck the Ute, an Aussie version of Deck the Halls, and this year I settled on Have Yourself An Aussie Kind of Christmas, an Aussie version of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.

I’ve written five of these Aussie Christmas songs now and this was by far the hardest one. It took me a long time to choose a song and I think I’m starting to run out of well-known songs as most of the best known ones don’t really suit an Australian translation (Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! for instance), so I’ll have to think carefully about which one to do next year. In the end I chose Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas because it’s one of my favourite Christmas songs and also because I wanted to do something a little different this year and try to show what it feels like for Australians spending Christmas overseas, longing to be home with their families and friends. Given the number of Australians who have to leave home for work every year and also our soldiers currently deployed overseas, I thought it suited the rather melancholic feel of the original song.

The two best-known versions are probably by Judy Garland and Frank Sinatra; Garland’s is personally my favourite as it’s more serious and sombre in tone (although nowhere near as depressing as the original lyrics written for the song in Meet Me in St. Louis, which Garland had changed), which often reflects my mood at Christmas, but I like Sinatra’s version as well and so decided to combine the two to reflect both versions and make it a bit longer as well.

I hope you enjoy it. And Merry Christmas. ;)

Aussie Santa Xmas Train

Have Yourself An Aussie Kind of Christmas

Summer sunshine is far away
This cold winter has set in to last
I’m dreaming of a place I loved but could not stay
And warm Christmases of the past…

Have yourself an Aussie kind of Christmas
May your winter days be bright
Some day soon this longing will be set right
And you’ll be home

Have yourself an Aussie kind of Christmas
Tell Santa Claus g’day
One day you’ll see him fly over Sydney in his sleigh
Once again

Here we are in this new century
These happy years of promise and awe
I long to see my loved ones once again
And to hold them close once more

In my heart I know they won’t forget me
And one day I’ll be home if funds allow
Until then I’ll just have to save up somehow
And try to have myself an Aussie kind of Christmas now

So have yourself an Aussie kind of Christmas
Throw a shrimp on the barbeque
One day soon you won’t feel so blue
Anymore

Have yourself an Aussie kind of Christmas
Grab a beer and watch the kids play
They’ll be all grown up one day
As life moves on

Here we are in happier times
These memories we cherish and adore
I find myself thinking of old friends
And wishing I was near them once more

Over the years good mates always stick together
So even when distance won’t allow
We’ll still find a way to celebrate somehow
And try to have ourselves an Aussie kind of Christmas now

Leave a Comment
by cjlevinson on December 26, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Australia, Humour, Life, Personal, Photography, Writing
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by cjlevinson on December 26, 2012

http://cjlevinson.com/2012/12/26/have-yourself-an-aussie-kind-of-christmas/

« Older Posts
%d bloggers like this: