Christmas Dinner

Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating today. I hope you’re having a wonderful day with family and friends, wherever you are in the world.

I had a quiet day with my parents today; it was just us as most of our family live overseas and we don’t see our Australian relatives that often. We had a lovely roast for dinner, then opened a few gifts afterwards. It was actually the first time we’ve had a roast in about ten years as we normally have a salad instead; it was delicious but typically we picked the hottest Christmas day in years to have it on. Must be Murphy’s law.

My parents gave me a set of beautiful plates to go with my Egyptian collection and a new mouse for my MacBook. My father bought it from the Apple store and the salesman must have got a bit technical as apparently he was amazed to find out that Dad doesn’t use a computer at all… then flabbergasted that Dad doesn’t own a mobile phone either! I think he thought Dad was some kind of eccentric hermit.

In any case we had a nice day and I thought I’d post another of my Aussie Christmas songs to celebrate. This is the fourth song I’ve written now after The Aussie 12 Days of Christmas, Aussie Jingle Bells and We Wish You an Aussie Christmas, so I guess it’s becoming something of an annual tradition!

This year I did an Aussie version of Deck the Halls. Originally I wanted to do Frosty the Snowman or Silver Bells but they were hard to translate to Australia. I think Deck the Halls works better and it’s also easy to sing along to as everyone knows the tune.

I hope you enjoy it. And Merry Christmas.

Deck the Ute

Deck the ute with lights and wattle
Fa la la la la la la la la
We’ll take it for a drive and go full throttle
Fa la la la la la la la la
Kids are singing in the back seat
Fa la la la la la la la la
Spreading Christmas cheer to all we meet
Fa la la la la la la la la

Soon we’re pulling up at the rellies
Fa la la la la la la la la
And getting ready to open the pressies
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hope it’s not more socks from Aunt May
Fa la la la la la la la la
Oh well guess I can sell them on eBay
Fa la la la la la la la la

Come one o’clock and we’re by the pool
Fa la la la la la la la la
Drinking beer and trying to stay cool
Fa la la la la la la la la
Jamie’s pulling on Susie’s hair
Fa la la la la la la la la
While Dad’s nodding off in his chair
Fa la la la la la la la la

We say g’day to the neighbours
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hear all about their yearly labours
Fa la la la la la la la la
Tom and Amy are getting married
Fa la la la la la la la la
No wonder they all look so harried
Fa la la la la la la la la

Everyone gathers around the table
Fa la la la la la la la la
Eats as much as they are able
Fa la la la la la la la la
Aunt May’s brought a giant fruit cake
Fa la la la la la la la la
Tastes just like Grandma used to make
Fa la la la la la la la la

Soon it’s time for everyone to go
Fa la la la la la la la la
We say our goodbyes and Ho Ho Hos
Fa la la la la la la la la
Pull out of the drive and speed away
Fa la la la la la la la la
Waving behind us to Aunt May
Fa la la la la la la la la

Back home and the kids are fast asleep
Fa la la la la la la la la
Carry them to their beds without a peep
Fa la la la la la la la la
Quietly we turn off all the lights
Fa la la la la la la la la
And sleep away another Aussie Christmas night
Fa la la la la la la la la

Image: A Writer’s Best Friend ~ © CJ Levinson 2011

Been busy writing the last few weeks, so haven’t had much time for an update until now. The novel’s coming along quite well; I’ve had to rethink how to approach it a bit as some of it wasn’t working but on the whole I’m happy with how it’s progressing. Looking at having the first draft finished around late-June with a little luck.

The main development is that I’ve settled on a working title at last. At the moment I’m calling it The Forgotten Kingdom. Not sure if that will be the final title yet but it suits the story quite well. I’ll be posting a new video about the novel in a few days – the title will probably make more sense then.

Unfortunately I’ve been struggling with writer’s block and staying focused as well, so that’s made the writing go a bit more slowly than I had wanted. I was expecting to run into a few problems though as I haven’t written anything this long before, so I’m not too worried about it overall. Actually one of the good things is that it’s let me try out a new writing exercise that’s helped a lot and I’m very happy with.

The idea’s quite simple really: every time I find myself stuck, I stop and try to think of something new I’ve learnt that day. It can be anything – an interesting fact, a funny or personal observation, a joke, a unique thought – as long as it’s something I learnt or realised that day. Then I write about it; sometimes just a short description, other times a short story or a poem inspired by it. The length isn’t really important; it’s that it distracts me but still allows me to keep writing so I don’t lose the flow and when I come back, I feel much more focused and the writing seems easier.

I’m not sure how well it would work for other people but it’s worked very well for me so far. And as a bonus it’s given me a list of all the new things I’ve learnt each day as well, everything I’d normally just end up forgetting.

So as I haven’t posted in a while I thought it’d be fun to share some of them. I won’t post any of the writing samples as they’re too long but these are are some of the more random things I’ve learnt and thought about during the past month. Some are obvious, some are just fun or silly observations, some are things I’ve learnt about myself, and others are just interesting facts I’d never heard before.

I hope you enjoy the list. I might even turn this into a monthly feature. So what have you learnt this month?

• 1) I’m terrible with deadlines

This came as a bit of a shock really but I realised recently that I am terrible with deadlines. Absolutely abysmal. It’s strange; I’ve always thought I work quite well under pressure. But looking back on some of the goals I’ve set for myself over the last few years, I’ve failed most of them miserably.

It’s mostly true of my writing; whenever I start a new story I try to finish it in a certain timeframe but looking back, I’ve achieved very few of my targets. Look at Sleepless; a story I’m still very excited about but which, more than a year later, is still languishing unfinished. My novel’s the same way; while it’s progressing well, I still thought I’d be a lot further along with it than I am by now. Even my emails I often find quite difficult to keep up with.

I’m not sure why; I’m usually very punctual and focused in other parts of my life. I know I’m something of a perfectionist, so maybe it’s that. Or maybe I set unrealistic expectations for myself. Either way I guess I’d rather be a little late with something and have it be perfect than finish something on time and not be completely happy with it.

Still, it bugs me. Maybe I should make improving on my deadlines a half-year resolution. 

• 2) Chewing gum helps to stop onion tears

I didn’t know this but apparently if you chew gum while chopping onions, it helps to stop you from crying. I thought it sounded like an old furphy at first but apparently there is some truth to it. Chewing gum forces you to keep your mouth open and to breathe through your mouth, which helps to disperse the chemicals that cause irritation. Makes sense if you think about it.

I’m not sure how well it would work if you were cutting onions for a long time but I think I’ll try it at some stage. Curious to see how well it works.

• 3) Old favourites

I was going through my music collection the other day and one of the interesting things I noticed was that my most played album by far is Tina Arena’s Don’t Ask. Don’t Ask was actually one of the very first albums I ever bought almost seventeen years ago now; it’s one of my favourite albums but I didn’t realise I had played it as much as that.

I checked the others and all my top albums were similar – Don’t Ask, Born to Run, Rumours, Dark Side of the Moon, Achtung Baby, Forgiven Not Forgotten, SavageGarden, all albums I’ve owned for the longest out of my collection. I didn’t expect that at all – I thought there’d be at least a couple of more recent albums.

I thought that was interesting; despite having discovered many artists since (many of whom I love and play all the time, like Sarah Blasko and Feist), these are still the albums I come back to the most, the first ones I ever bought. I guess you never forget your first musical loves.

• 4) The 8 glasses myth

I’ve always wondered where the idea of drinking eight glasses of water a day came from. I’ve never really bought into it; it’s always sounded like too round of a figure, particularly given the differences between men and women, different body types and how different climates should affect hydration. But I was never sure where it came from.

I was reading Scientific American recently and interestingly, it covered it. It looks like the idea actually came from a misunderstanding; in 1945 the Food and Nutrition Board in the US suggested that an average person should consume one millilitre of water for every calorie of food they ingested, which would equal about eight glasses of water a day. From there it seems to have been adopted across the US and in many other parts of the world.

What’s interesting is that the suggested guideline didn’t take into account the water content found in food, so the required amount was actually much less – more like six glasses. Most nutritionists don’t recommend a guideline at all anymore but simply to drink when you feel thirsty. Your body should tell you how much water you need.

• 5) I’m so over superheroes

I saw Thor earlier this month and it confirmed something I’d suspected: I am so over superhero films. Thor actually wasn’t that bad but it just didn’t really do anything spectacular for me. I think there are just so many comic book films being released these days that I’m getting fed up with them, which considering I loved comics as a kid feels a little sad. Or maybe I’ve just grown up.

After watching Thor I actually went online to look for a list of all the superhero films coming out soon; I couldn’t believe there’d be that many more characters left. But there’s at least twenty films coming out over the next twelve months. Twenty! Talk about overkill. And don’t even get me started on 3D.

I did notice one interesting thing though: the director of the new Spider-Man film’s name is Mark Webb. Seriously. Did they hire him as soon as they saw his name?

• 6) The Zombies are coming

Unfortunately Harold Camping’s still not done predicting the end of the world: he’s now saying it was a “spiritual” judgement and that the end will really happen on October 21st. Right. So what’s this, his fourth prediction?

If the end of the world really does happen though, I thought this was good to know: the CDC is prepared. They’ve just published an article on their website showing how people should prepare for a Zombie Apocalypse. The CDC sounds like it would actually treat it like any other viral outbreak, which is interesting. Except, you know, an outbreak that wants to eat your brain.

The article’s definitely worth reading – it’s funny but it’s a good way of stressing the preparations everyone should make in case of real emergencies as well. I admit I didn’t know half of the things I was supposed to do. Learnt a lot.

• 7) Ancient burials
  

I came across this doing research into different funeral rites for my novel and thought it was interesting: apparently the practice of burying the dead dates back well-beyond human times. Archaeologists exploring a pit in Atapuerca, Spain, uncovered fossils of an early human ancestor, Homo Heidelbergensis, that date back 350,000 years and they appear to be the earliest examples of burial. Homo Heidelbergensis is also believed to have been one of the first hominids to have acquired a primitive form of language.

It’s also believed that approximately 106 billion people have been born since the dawn of modern humans (around 50,000 BC). That means that roughly 6% of all the humans who have ever lived are alive today.

• 8) A group of hippos

Found this interesting too: apparently the correct name for a group of hippos is a “bloat” of hippos. It was in my dictionary; I’d never heard of it before. Think all I’d ever heard of was a pod or a herd.

Apparently it’s also an “ambush” of tigers, a “shrewdness” of apes, a “crash” of rhinos, a “mob” of emus, a “congregation” of alligators and an “intrusion” of cockroaches.

There are some more here if you’re interested. I like the “mob” of emus myself. Sounds very Australian.

• 9) Yummy mummies freak me out

I’m single at the moment but I always feel uncomfortable when someone gives me “the Look”. I’m sure you know the one I’m talking about: the up, down, undressing you with their eyes Look. I hate it. My feeling is, if you like someone, go up and talk to them, rather than standing there, imagining them naked from 10 metres away.

Worse though as I’ve recently learnt is when the Look comes from attractive mothers my age. This has happened to me several times now this month and it’s freaked me out every time. Not that they’re mothers; I like kids and it’s not that I’m not interested. It’s that you can’t tell what that Look really means and it messes with your head.

I mean that Look can mean anything; from they’re single and think you’re cute, to “maybe if I wasn’t married” to “ew, why’s anyone let him out of the house”, to finally, “oh God help, save me from these awful kids”! It makes you feel like your head’s going to explode and you don’t know whether to start a conversation or not because at best you’re going to look like an idiot, at worst you’ll get beaten into a bloody pulp by their husband.

Maybe I just don’t read signals well but to any yummy mummies out there, don’t give me that Look. Please. I’ve learnt to ignore it now. Try talking instead.

• 10) Beer in space

Finally possibly the most important thing I’ve learnt this month: two Australian brewers have created the world’s first space beer. It’s designed especially for space and they’re particularly looking at targeting space tourism as flights become less expensive.

Apparently the brew is a little stronger than normal beer as the tongue swells and taste diminishes in space. They’ve tested it in zero-gravity and the flavour works but they still need to design a new kind of glass to make drinking easier in zero-gravity. Apparently carbonation is also still an issue.

Sounds promising though. Somehow I’m not surprised they’re Australian either.

This is my first post in a while. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently; I’ve been ill for most of the year now and if that wasn’t  a big enough distraction, we had a fire last week that destroyed a lot of property in our block.

The fire was scary but it could have been much worse; this was the third major fire we’ve had in several years. Eventually something serious is going to happen but getting our strata to fix it is proving very difficult.

Because of that I haven’t felt up to posting until now, but I wanted to do a Christmas post. I enjoy the time of year and I have a lot of fond memories of past Christmases with my family; hot and summery and typically Australian.

So I came up with this Aussie take on a Christmas classic. Hope you enjoy it; it was a lot of fun to write.

On the first day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
A kookaburra in a gum tree

On the second day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the third day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the fourth day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the fifth day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the sixth day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Six kangaroos a-hopping
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the seventh day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Seven koalas a-sleeping
Six kangaroos a-hopping
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the eighth day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Eight emus a-running
Seven koalas a-sleeping
Six kangaroos a-hopping
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the ninth day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Nine sharks a-biting
Eight emus a-running
Seven koalas a-sleeping
Six kangaroos a-hopping
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the tenth day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Ten echidnas a-digging
Nine sharks a-biting
Eight emus a-running
Seven koalas a-sleeping
Six kangaroos a-hopping
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Eleven possums a-playing
Ten echidnas a-digging
Nine sharks a-biting
Eight emus a-running
Seven koalas a-sleeping
Six kangaroos a-hopping
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My good mate sent to me
Twelve wombats a-wambling
Eleven possums a-playing
Ten echidnas a-digging
Nine sharks a-biting
Eight emus a-running
Seven koalas a-sleeping
Six kangaroos a-hopping
Five Russell Crowes
Four cockatoos
Three black swans
Two platypuses
And a kookaburra in a gum tree!

Update: It’s December 25th now so I just wanted to add that I hope everyone has a joyous Christmas and my sincerest wishes for a peaceful and safe New Year. I’ll see you all in a couple of days.

Dear Mr. Inconsiderate,

Remember me? I’m the young man who had the misfortune of sitting next to you on the bus the other day. Yes, the bearded guy with the big nose. So you do remember me. I’m glad because I definitely remember you.

Could you do me a favour? The next time someone sits next to you, do you think you could turn off your phone and spare them and the rest of the bus the details of your love life? I mean, seriously, when you weren’t deafening me and swearing like a maniac, you were busy reading your texts aloud. Can’t you be out of touch for 10 minutes? Will the world implode?

Don’t get offended. I’m sure you’re a lovely guy when you stop shouting. I just don’t see why, when I’ve been out for hours and had a rotten day, that I should have to listen to your conversation. It’s got nothing to do with me. And I don’t want to have to listen to you having phone sex with your partner either.

The truth is I like to keep to myself. I don’t mind it if people talk around me but can’t you give me a little privacy? Perhaps talk more quietly and turn towards the window? It was bad enough when everyone’s mobiles rang at once and sounded like an opera (Wagner’s Ride of the iPhones) but with you talking near my ear the whole time, I felt like I was eavesdropping and didn’t know what to do.

I just don’t see why it’s so hard to be out of contact for a few minutes. Is something so urgent that you have to speak to someone at that moment? Cnt ur txt w8? A long time ago we didn’t even have mobile phones; I know, I’m shocked too! I think it was back in the 18th century, just before Al Gore invented the Internet. What would you have done then? Read a book?

I’m saying this because I think it’s something you should know. Maybe you’re a loud talker; maybe you’re half-deaf. Maybe you’re just a pervert who enjoys having phone sex in public. Whatever. If you show a little courtesy, it’ll come back to you. So next time you’re on the bus, could you turn off your damn phone, or at least be more discrete? I know I’ll thank you and I’m sure the other passengers will too.

One last thing. You might want to lay off the aftershave. Just saying.

Insincerely yours,
CJ Writer.

* * * * * *

So I might have gone a bit overboard. Do mobile phones bother anyone else, though? I hate it when people use them on buses and trains; they always start shouting and seem oblivious. Can’t I have a little peace on the way home?

And then there are those sex moan ringtones. I heard one on the bus the other day; I guess it was a joke but there were kids on the bus. I wasn’t laughing.

I started doing it again with this post; I started writing it on Boxing Day and only got back to it today. I needed a couple of days to clear my mind anyway, so it wasn’t a bad thing… it’s just annoying and feels too much like writer’s block to me. I have enough of that in my life already, thanks.

Anyway, I’ve found myself thinking about happiness a lot lately. What started it was when I had dinner with my parents on Christmas day. A funny thing happened. It was just the three of us as we’re never that fussed about having a big Christmas. A couple of hours before we were going to eat, my mother decided to use the good china and we spent about ten minutes trying to find the good glasses to go with them. I think they must have vanished into the Twilight Zone because we couldn’t find them, so we settled for some champagne glasses instead.

I don’t drink much, so it was just ginger ale and it probably would have been easier to have drunk it out of the bottle. But it seemed like a nice idea, so I went along with it. My mistake. I’m halfway through the meal – a nice salad; we can’t imagine a roast on a hot day – and start to take a sip. Except I can’t. The glass won’t go past my nose.

I’ve never thought of myself as having a particularly large nose, but I must have as I just couldn’t get the glass past it. Maybe my nose was broken when that sandbag hit me ten years ago; maybe I’ve been telling too many lies like Pinocchio. Either way, it wasn’t working and tipping my head back didn’t help. I had a decision to make; either admit defeat (ha!) and get a different glass, or work out some other way.

So very slowly I started to slide down in my chair. I was able to angle the glass more and eventually the drink started to tip out. Of course by this time my parents were in absolute hysterics and I’m busy studying them, trying to work out which was to blame for my humongous nose. Strangely they’re both quite normal. I guess the gene must have skipped a generation.

Later on I thought about it and I realised that, in a strange way, it was a nice experience. I mean, yes, I was being stubborn, but I didn’t feel embarrassed or stupid; I was with family and it’s been a while since we’d laughed like that. Even now when I think about it, it still gives me a happy feeling and that’s something I’ll remember for a long time.

Happiness is a strange thing, isn’t it? It’s something that can feel so different; contentment and peace can give us one kind of happiness, intense joy another. The way we each experience happiness is different, as is what makes us happy. Something I find funny – a show like Seinfeld or Friends – might be annoying to someone else; likewise some of us might go through our lives without showing much emotion, but might still feel peaceful and content. Happiness is so hard to define, but plays such an important part in our lives.

What I’ve been wondering recently is, do I feel happy in my life? Am I a happy person? If I’m being honest then I’d have to say I’m not sure. Most of the time I’m probably not; I like to laugh (and make people laugh) and try not to take things too seriously, but I consider things carefully and that’s my natural response. At the same time I’m not unhappy or sad either. I actually think I’m at peace most of the time. Happiness or sadness is an emotional response for me; I’m neither all the time, I’m just going about my day.

I think a lot of people confuse being “positive” with being “happy”. Being positive is a way of looking at life; being happy is an emotional response which comes from your mindset. You can choose to be positive, but usually something happens that makes you happy. I’ve heard people say they’re positive and so they’re happy, but I’m not so sure. For a lot of people having a positive mindset is a great thing; it lets you look to the future and it’s helped sportspeople and people in everyday life. But I’ve met several people who I’ve thought are so positive that they’re miserable. They work so hard at creating their outlook that they bring everyone down, including themselves; their relations with their families and friends are strained and though they’re positive, they never seem particularly happy… they always want more.

I think having a positive outlook in life is more likely to make us happy, but doesn’t mean we will be happy. And I suppose that’s why I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve been reading some articles recently that indicate if you’re happier, you’ll be healthier too. One study found that “happy” subjects were one-third less likely to develop a cold, while another found that people who thought in happier and more positive ways were more likely to increase their longevity by an average of 10 years.

If that’s right then there’s a definite reason to want to be happier. And so maybe I should make more of an effort to be happier and not let things bother me… although again I don’t feel like I’m unhappy or particularly negative. I’m content with who I am and think I’m a fairly realistic person. Plus isn’t the whole idea of what makes us happy all relative? I’m writing a new poem at the moment and like a lot of my poetry, it’s quite melancholic… some people might find it depressing but even though it’s sad, it makes me happy because it’s something I want to write. I think the key to happiness is respecting yourself, and in that way I’m at peace.

I wonder what you think? Does being happy make us healthy? Is happiness a state of mind? I’d be interested to find out, and I wish you all peace and happiness in the new year.