Stone Cross

Burnt alive in a house fire
Choked to death in my own bed
Overdosing on morphine
Shot four times in a robbery gone wrong
Drowning in a pool of water
Stabbed to death in a fit of jealousy
Pushed from a great height
Beaten and left for dead in the middle of nowhere

And she finds me in the night
And holds me and says it’ll be okay
She holds me and says it’ll be okay

Thrown out of a moving train
Sucked out an airlock into the vacuum of space
Going down in an aeroplane
Hanging on to a railing for dear life
Jumping from a high balcony
Hit by a car while crossing the road
Killed in a terrorist attack
Executed as an innocent man

And she finds me in the night
And holds me and says it’ll be okay
She holds me and says it’ll be okay

Betrayed by my best friend
Flatlining on the surgeon’s table
Crucified next to Jesus
Suffocated in my sleep
Crushed in an earthquake
Mauled to death by wild animals
Struck down by a heart attack
Dying in my old age sad and alone

Every night I dream these dreams
I dream of death and an endless pain
I dream of my death again and again

Electrocuted by a faulty wire
Set on fire for speaking heresy
Praying for mercy to a god I don’t believe in
Dying of a broken heart

And she finds me in the night
And holds me and says it’ll be okay
She holds me and says it’ll be okay

She holds me and says it’ll be okay

I wrote this poem last night after lying awake most of the night with a series of vivid nightmares. Each time I closed my eyes I saw myself dying and it’s been happening off and on for most of this week. I had similar dreams a couple of years ago when I went through a traumatic period and I guess everything we’ve been going through recently, first with my father and losing our home and now with my grandparents’ dementia as well, has reawakened some of those dreams and flashes.

I was debating about whether or not to post this as it’s so personal and I didn’t want to worry anyone or give them the wrong idea about what I’m feeling (that I might be suicidal or something). I decided to in the end as part of the process of dealing with all this is opening up and making my feelings public. I don’t think it’s my best poem but it’s not meant to be. It’s meant more as a stream of consciousness and in a small way writing it has helped me to deal with some of the shit I’m going through at the moment, which is all I wanted it to do and I’m happy with how it came out.

The photo is one I took a couple of years ago, of a grave in the cemetery of St Jude’s Church in Randwick. I’ve always liked it and the atmosphere in the photo and I thought it suited the poem quite well.

Photo: Stone Cross © CJ Levinson 2011
Poem licenced under Creative Commons

8 thoughts on “Dreams

  1. I’m happy with how it came out too! Thank you so much for sharing something so personal. This is such a powerful poem, and tbh I decided to Follow the moment I saw that compelling image. The whole this is inspiring.

  2. Your poem is breathtakingly beautiful! I can tell it comes from a dark place, a site of suffering…Whatever it was you were going through, hope things got better. This is a poem one cannot forget easily. Brilliant.

    1. Thank you so much. I’m so glad you liked it. This was almost stream of consciousness for me… I was going through a horrible time but writing this really helped. I guess I just needed to let it out.

      And things did get better thanks. Or at least, they’re getting there. 😉

    1. Thank you. Wow, I’m honoured!


      If you have time these two posts might help give a bit of context to the poem. But basically my father tried to commit suicide in 2013, which caused a chain of events that eventually led to my mother and I being homeless for 9 months. I guess I started having nightmares again from the trauma of it all.

      They’ve settled now though and I’ve been in my current home for two years now. Things are getting better. With enough time I guess all wounds heal.

      1. You’re welcome. Your story is quite unique and haunting. I’m sorry you had to go through such terrible events.
        Time does seem to heal everything, doesn’t it? Take care and keep sharing your art with us 🙂

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