Love Wins

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I took this photo last month in Broadmeadow while on my way to catch the train for a trip to Sydney. It was complete happenstance that I came across it but I had to stop and take a quick shot.

I thought I’d post it today as I think it sums up how so many Australians have felt throughout this survey and are feeling today. Love is love and I’m so, so happy that we’re almost there. Fingers crossed our parliament passes marriage equality before Christmas.

Photo © CJ Levinson 2017

Belmont Lions Park

Belmont Lion's Park

I went for a walk along the Belmont lakefront yesterday afternoon and ended up near Belmont Lions Park, which is a small grassed area and playground for kids down by the wharf.

It’s a very nice, peaceful area, with a beautiful view across the lake, and so I sat there for a while, thinking and taking a couple of photos.

The sunset was lovely and there were a couple of children on bikes cycling round and a few people walking dogs or jogging. A few of them smiled at me and said hello as they passed. There was another photographer as well and we nodded at each other while eyeing our respective cameras.

It was all wonderfully ordinary and suburban and it was a great place to sit and think for a while… about writing, photography, love, and life.

I kept thinking how in many ways, with beautiful, friendly people going about their lives, it could have been a scene in pretty much any country, any place in the world – like Orlando.

How ordinary families just like these ones are grieving a terrible loss and how it could so easily be any of us, any of our friends, any of our loved ones.

The massacre has upset me a lot and I was grateful for the quiet time by the lake to think. Grateful for the peace and beauty the lake offered.

I hope you like the photos and my heart goes out to all of the victims, their families and to everyone in the US.

Playground

Playground equipment

Looking across the lake

Looking across the lake

Across the lake in Black & White

Looking across the lake in black and white

Photos © CJ Levinson 2016

Q&A #1 – Trump, Atheism, Love and Guns

So this is the first in a new series of posts I thought I’d start. I’ve always liked the idea of having a random q&a section on the blog; I thought it’d be a fun way to talk about some extra topics and help people to get to know me a little better. So that’s what this is.

The questions below are fairly random and are a mix of questions I’m often asked either online or in real life and others I’ve created to cover a few topics I’ve been wanting to write about. Like most bloggers I have a lot of ideas for posts that I end up not writing about for one reason or another and I thought this would be a good way to cover some of those topics too.

I’m looking to do this semi-regularly and I’d love it if, as I do more of these posts, people started to suggest questions and topics as well. So if you’ve got anything you’d like to ask, feel free to leave it in a comment or use my contact page.

I’m game for most questions, so go wild. 🙂

  • Do you believe in true love?

Yes and no. Do I believe there is just one person out there in the whole world we are destined to be with? No. I find that idea rather insipid to be honest and I dislike the idea of “The One’.

Actually I hate the idea of ’The One’. I think it’s unhealthy and spreads an unrealistic expectation of what we should be looking for in relationships. Basically it gives us permission to be extremely picky over partners and to turn down people who we could potentially be happy with simply because they don’t seem ‘perfect’. And then we wonder why we are alone.

So I don’t think there is any such thing as ‘The One’. I do however believe in love and think there are many people we can be compatible with throughout the course of our lives. We just have to be in the right place and frame of mind to be able to recognise them, and that usually means being willing to compromise and to recognise when our standards are unrealistic.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that we are destined to meet them though. They may live in another country or we may simply not be in the space to recognise them, etc. Whatever the reason sometimes people never meet and that’s sad but it’s okay. It’s life.

Personally I think the best thing is to try to be happy with your own company. If you’re happy with yourself then finding love and companionship is a bonus. And love often comes along when you’re not expecting it too.

  • Can an atheist be a moral person?

This is something that often comes up when people first realise I’m an atheist. Which surprised and insulted me at first but I think it’s because a lot of people relate morality to religious teachings and are curious what keeps someone’s moral compass in check if they don’t believe in God.

The truth is that morality isn’t about religion and I consider myself a very moral person despite no longer being of faith. Morality is something that is perceived to be closely tied to religion because that’s the way for thousands of years people were taught about good and evil, right and wrong, but when you actually think about it morality itself is a concept, a framework for how we should live our lives, that comes from being part of an evolved society.

I believe basic ideas of right and wrong are intrinsic to modern civilisation and are taught in many ways; through religion, yes, but also through school, books, movies, the media, our parents, elders, etc, and our modern world and laws are based on the same ideas. In other words I believe morality is a universal constant and just removing somebody from the religious world doesn’t suddenly make them more likely to commit a terrible act.

For instance, you could say that a devout religious person who is a convicted murderer would actually be a far less moral person than a peaceful atheist. Whether someone is a ‘good’ person or not has more to do with their upbringing and things like potential mental illness than whether they believe in God or not in my opinion.

  • What do you think will happen to Donald Trump? Could he really be President?

At this stage you’d have to say that yes, it’s a real possibility Trump could become President. My gut feeling however is that Trump won’t be President. I also don’t think he will win the Republican nomination either, although I am less sure about that as he has already lasted longer than I thought he would and his momentum seems to be growing.

The main reason I think he won’t get the nomination is that as the race goes on and more candidates drop out, eventually an anti-Trump challenger is going to galvanise support behind them. While Trump is definitely popular, he has relied a lot on his anti-immigration, anti-establishment demographic and you’d think as the process moves into other less conservative states that votes will start to solidify behind Trump’s main challenger. And eventually I think that will be too much for him.

Who that challenger will end up being though is another matter. Rubio seems to have shot himself in the foot recently with his debate performances and Cruz doesn’t seem well liked enough to rally enough people behind him. And Carson has never really recovered from some of his foreign policy comments earlier in the campaign. My guess is that Rubio will finally emerge but there is a real possibility that Trump could ride the wave right to the nomination.

Which, if that ends up happening, would have seemed inconceivable a year ago. But the thing is that Trump is not simply the anti-establishment fluke people have been taking him for. What Trump actually is is a very shrewd political opportunist; the Republican Party has largely been about obstruction for the last ten years and add to that many conservative radio and tv hosts popularising immigration and minorities and all Trump has done is taken the opportunity to personify that. You can’t blame Trump for playing to a demographic that has largely been created for him.

I still think that in the end there are far more people in the Republican Party who disagree with Trump and that eventually they will rally around someone like Rubio. The problem for the Republicans though is that most of the candidates seem fairly bland and taking someone bland into the main election cycle against Hillary Clinton, or even Bernie Sanders, could be a huge problem. But that’s the reality they are left with.

My guess is that in the end it will be Rubio vs. Clinton and Clinton will win but of course Clinton comes with her own baggage which will pull her back. She would then face a real challenge in 2020 from a much stronger Republican candidate. As for Trump I don’t think he’d run as an independent – it would mean spending more money and I think he’s already got enough exposure out of this. But who knows? He is very hard to predict.

Of course this is all just guesswork from an outsider with an interest in US politics, so please take it all with a grain of salt. I’ll be curious to see exactly what happens and if I’m way off too.

  • Do you think countries would be safer if everyone owned a gun?

This is something that has come up a few times recently with the terrible shootings in the US and the way Australia’s gun laws are sometimes mentioned in the debate making people re-question them. Which is understandable I guess seeing as there is a lot of misinformation going on about our gun laws, most of which is not true.

Personally, and I’ll take this from the point of view of if Australia’s gun laws were potentially being loosened, I am not in any way in favour of more people potentially owning firearms, let alone everyone having access to one. I think the laws have made a big difference here and we have not had another Port Arthur style shooting since which is not a coincidence. More importantly they also do not stop people from being able to own a firearm, just that certain weapons are prohibited and overall it’s not been a big loss.

I think our gun laws are sensible and if the US was to try to do something about gun violence, ours wouldn’t be a bad model to look at. But obviously it is a very different country, with a very different gun culture, and I’m not sure it would work the same way there even if there was the appetite to try.

I’m not unsympathetic towards people who do think more guns are the answer though and I know some people still believe that here in Australia. I think it’s understandable that when people see violence they would want to look at ways of protecting and defending themselves.

I just think though that if you stop and actually consider gun violence as a whole, particularly in the West, you realise how while mass shootings are awful, they’re actually just a small part of a much larger problem. The number of accidental shootings in the West is actually far, far higher than the number of assaults and murders committed with firearms and so if you were to multiply that by adding a vast number of new guns into a country, well that is potentially a recipe for disaster. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people, and the more guns that are available, the more opportunities there are for people to be hurt and killed either accidentally or maliciously.

If everyone had access to a gun it might result in fewer mass shootings, yes, but if it also resulted in a much higher number of accidental shootings and deaths, in the end is that really a trade worth making? Not for me.

I think our gun laws were the best thing John Howard did while he was Prime Minister… I was often on the other side of politics from him but this was one of the good things he did for all Australians and I’ll always be thankful for that. However the US tackles the problem I hope that it is successful and that something happens sooner than later.

  • I’m looking to get my first SLR. Which camera and lens should I buy?

I’m asked this quite a lot and my first piece of advice is, before you buy an SLR, stop and think about if you really need one. Any camera can take good photos. The most important thing is learning about photography; owning a better camera won’t make you take better photos but learning about photographic technique will.

SLRs are great cameras and I highly recommend them but only if you have started to reach the limitations of the camera you are currently using. SLRs will help you to take better photos at night, for instance, and can give you more control over your exposure, but they will not help you to take better photos, just ones with more detail. This is a mistake a lot of people make and they often end up regretting their purchase.

Saying you are one of those people who does need an SLR I would recommend buying an entry level model and seeing how you go with it. A lot of people spend thousands of dollars on getting the best camera, like a Canon 5DS, but they don’t need it and never get the best out of it. Starting with an entry level camera allows you to work out exactly what you need and then if you need to you can upgrade once you find you are reaching its limitations.

For recommendations the Canon 760D is a very good camera, and with a twin lens kit (normal lens and telephoto) that’s pretty much all most people would ever need. I personally prefer Canon over Nikon but a camera like the Nikon D3300 is very good too and would suit the same purpose. I really like Olympus gear too and being mirrorless cameras, they’re much smaller and lighter which is a bonus. Something like the E-PL7 is a great little camera.

I also recommend getting something like Photoshop Elements or Lightroom, no matter what kind of camera you own. You can spend thousands of dollars on gear but a good editor will help you get more out of your photos than any camera or lens. I think Lightroom is the best photographic purchase I have ever made and it doesn’t take long to learn either.

  • Pepsi or Coke?

Can I say neither? I guess I’ve never been particularly into cola, the taste just doesn’t do much for me for some reason. If I had to choose I don’t mind Coke Zero every now and then so I would probably say Coke. I’d rather have a lemonade or lemon, lime and bitters any day though.

The Truth About Love

Footprints in the Sand

It’s half three
In the morning
And I find myself
Thinking of you

Laying here
I cannot help but wonder
If you still
Think of me too

Did you know that
I would have
Followed you anywhere
You asked me to?

I would have gone
Through Hell’s gates
If it would have
Brought me closer to you

But now
So much has changed
And this is one place
I cannot follow too

How I wish
I could hear your voice
Because I am lonely
And miss you

But what would I say
When it still hurts
And there is nothing
I can do?

I wasn’t looking
For love,
Never thought I would find
Someone like you

But that is love
And when it comes along
There is nothing
You can do

You made me
Feel special
Like I could do anything
I wanted to

I felt safe
And warm in your arms
And I knew
That you wanted me too

Now I feel
Lonely and cold;
It is over
And I could not reach you

We hurt each other
And you pulled away
And just like that,
We were through

And I know
That I must be strong
And find a way
To live without you

And I know
Life will go on
But in my heart
I will always love you

For you
Are my heart and soul
And whatever comes
That will always be true

So if
You ever think of me
Please think kindly
As I will of you

And if
You ever speak of me
Please remember
What I meant to you

And please
Have no regrets;
One day everything ends,
Even love too

What matters
Is everything we shared
And the joy
We held on to

And I do not know
If one day
I will ever find
Another you

I loved you
With all of my heart
And I am sorry
It all fell through

But the truth about love
Is it may not last;
Trust
Is all we can do

And so
If this is goodbye
Then I wish you well
And happiness too

May you have
A wonderful life
And find someone
To share it with you

And please
Do not worry for me
I will be fine
And find my way through

One day
I will love again;
I am just sorry
It will not be you


I wrote this poem over a few night this week. It was good being able to let it out and I wanted the poem to be reflective rather than sad, which I think comes across.

Originally it wasn’t meant to be a series of haiqua but eventually it took that shape structurally as it seemed to give the poem the simple, lyrical flow I wanted it to have.

I took the photo during the trip to New Zealand last year. It was one of my favourites from the trip.


Photo: Footprints in the Sand © CJ Levinson 2015
Poem licenced under Creative Commons

10 Things I’ve Learnt This Month

Favourite Pen

Image: A Writer’s Best Friend ~ © CJ Levinson 2011

Been busy writing the last few weeks, so haven’t had much time for an update until now. The novel’s coming along quite well; I’ve had to rethink how to approach it a bit as some of it wasn’t working but on the whole I’m happy with how it’s progressing. Looking at having the first draft finished around late-June with a little luck.

The main development is that I’ve settled on a working title at last. At the moment I’m calling it The Forgotten Kingdom. Not sure if that will be the final title yet but it suits the story quite well. I’ll be posting a new video about the novel in a few days – the title will probably make more sense then.

Unfortunately I’ve been struggling with writer’s block and staying focused as well, so that’s made the writing go a bit more slowly than I had wanted. I was expecting to run into a few problems though as I haven’t written anything this long before, so I’m not too worried about it overall. Actually one of the good things is that it’s let me try out a new writing exercise that’s helped a lot and I’m very happy with.

The idea’s quite simple really: every time I find myself stuck, I stop and try to think of something new I’ve learnt that day. It can be anything – an interesting fact, a funny or personal observation, a joke, a unique thought – as long as it’s something I learnt or realised that day. Then I write about it; sometimes just a short description, other times a short story or a poem inspired by it. The length isn’t really important; it’s that it distracts me but still allows me to keep writing so I don’t lose the flow and when I come back, I feel much more focused and the writing seems easier.

I’m not sure how well it would work for other people but it’s worked very well for me so far. And as a bonus it’s given me a list of all the new things I’ve learnt each day as well, everything I’d normally just end up forgetting.

So as I haven’t posted in a while I thought it’d be fun to share some of them. I won’t post any of the writing samples as they’re too long but these are are some of the more random things I’ve learnt and thought about during the past month. Some are obvious, some are just fun or silly observations, some are things I’ve learnt about myself, and others are just interesting facts I’d never heard before.

I hope you enjoy the list. I might even turn this into a monthly feature. So what have you learnt this month? 😉

Continue reading

The marriage gap

Why is it that some people dream of getting married but others are happy never getting married? Is it fear of commitment? Wanting to live in the present? Or do some people think about marriage so much that it becomes unhealthy?

It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. I’m someone who’s never really seen himself getting married. It’s not that I’m afraid of marriage; if I met the right person, I think I’d be able to make a commitment. Rather it’s that I don’t want to concern myself with something that’s outside of my control. I’ve never felt like I define myself by who I’m with, so if I meet someone, that’s great, but I’m happy being by myself as well.

A lot of people, though, see marriage as this focus that gives their lives meaning and it’s that kind of obsession that turns me off marriage. They plan it out years in advance and everything has to be perfect… I have a hard time swallowing that. Marriage needs work; nothing is ever just perfect because you love someone, but many people expect it to be. When I look at the divorce rate I can’t help but think that this idea of marriage plays a large part in it, people giving up because when everything isn’t perfect they think that the relationship wasn’t “meant to be”.

I guess I’ve been thinking about this because an old school friend contacted me a few months ago. I hadn’t heard from her for about six years and it was great catching up again, but one of the things she told me was that she’s engaged. I almost choked! Not in a bad way; I’m really happy for her. It’s just that in my mind I still see her as the fourteen year old girl I used to know and it feels strange to imagine her about to get married. She’s a few months younger than I am as well, so she was only 21 or 22 when she got engaged. But I guess when you know it’s right, it just is.

She’s actually the second school friend who’s been engaged now; another got married two years ago and seems very happy. I haven’t spoken to either of them much since, though… I’d like to but it feels strange. Part of it is the difference between how I remember them and who they are now, but there’s also a different dynamic when someone becomes engaged or married and it can be hard to overcome. That’s part of the problem here.

Some call it the marriage gap and it describes the way a friendship can change once someone is married or part of a long-term relationship. Friends who used to meet for drinks every week feel put out when their married friend starts to cancel; someone who used to think nothing of taking off for a weekend away suddenly has other commitments to think about first. The married friend feels hurt that his/her single friends don’t show more interest in their partner and becomes annoyed by the money they spend frivolously. Over time it brings added pressure to the friendship and it either changes or falls apart.

I didn’t use to believe in the marriage gap but recently I’ve changed my mind. There was a couple I met at my writing group who seemed to speak their own language and it felt like everything they were talking about went over my head. Other people felt the same way and we just weren’t on the same wavelength; it was the first time I’d really understood why it can drive people nuts. It was a little like what it felt like talking to my friends again; not that we didn’t have anything in common, but so much had changed… we were coming from different directions and just because we were compatible once didn’t mean we were now.

In the end I think that’s why once people get married they start to form their own circles, and why singles go out in their own groups. It’s natural; the common ground has shifted and it’s easier to share how you feel with others who understand… even if they’re not the same friends you’ve had for most of your life. In a way that’s sad because if you care about someone enough, you should be able to get past any differences. And many friends do. But for whatever reason the marriage gap is still quite common.

I know part of it for singles is that they often feel like they’re being pressured into getting married themselves. A few members of my extended family seem sorry for me when I say I’m not seeing someone… or seem worried. Thankfully they haven’t tried to set me up with someone (yet!) but they don’t seem to get that I’m happy by myself. Is it so strange to think that I’d enjoy my own company, that I’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t value me for who I am? And likewise married people feel hurt that their old friends don’t show more interest in their new lives, which is something I can understand as well. Marriage is the ultimate commitment; they’ve made a huge change in their lives and to not even try to understand that and expect them to be the same isn’t being much of a friend.

To be honest, though, I think the marriage gap is overrated. What it really represents is a breakdown in communication; neither friend expresses how they feel properly, and so they keep growing apart. But it also shows that we’re not aware of how relationships evolve over time. No friendship remains the same; it changes as our interests change, as we move into different periods of our lives. We shouldn’t expect it to remain the same, but a lot of people do. And that’s the problem. We think our friendships should be perfect (like our marriages) and last a lifetime, but you maintain any relationship by redefining it, by taking an interest in the person… if you don’t do that, the friendship won’t survive. And sometimes that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes it’s better to let go of a friendship than to ruin all of the memories you shared.

For the most part I try to do that. Before meeting that couple at the group, I hadn’t noticed the marriage gap all that much and I get on well with most of the family friends I know who are married. And I like taking an interest in people as well, so finding common ground isn’t too difficult… that’s why I think that generally the marriage gap isn’t something that can’t be overcome, just something you have to work at. If I had a chance to talk to my friends again, I’d love to. I’d love to know how they’re getting on and see if there was a chance to get to know them again. I’m not expecting it, but who knows? I didn’t expect to hear from them the first time, so I’ll never say never. 😉

Anyway, it’s just been on my mind lately. I wonder what you think? Is there a marriage gap? Have you ever felt out of place in a social group? Is one group more responsible than the other? I’d be interested to know what you think.

Be My Baby

It sucks being single on Valentine’s Day. There’s just something about being out and seeing everyone together that feels very strange. Normally I’m not someone who gets that carried away with Valentine’s Day, particularly with the commercialism, but I like the sentiment.

Whenever I think of Valentine’s Day, I start thinking of Be My Baby by The Ronettes. I grew up with a lot of 60’s music around the house, so I must have picked it up at some stage. It’s one of my favourite songs and so what better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than to post the video? It’s a great video; you can almost see the lip-synching! Some things never change.

I was remembering my first Valentine card earlier. It would have been about 15 years ago now and was from one of my school friends. She left it in our letterbox and I can’t remember what it looked like but she made it herself and it was very sweet. We’re still friends now, after almost 20 years.

I remember that Valentine because it represents what I like most about Valentine’s Day; the innocence of love. One thing which does bug me about Valentine’s Day, though, is how a lot of people see it as a gesture, using that one day to express their feelings. It shouldn’t be just that one day; we should always want to be honest with each other… in the end it’s better to say too much than to say nothing at all.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Hope you have a good one. 😉

Obsessions and habits

Do you have a favourite love song? Perhaps the song that was playing the first time you fell in love, or a song that means something special to you and your partner? For me I’d have to say Be My Baby by The Ronettes. Not for any particular reason; I’ve just always liked the song. Whenever I have a crush, that song starts playing in my head.

I’ve asked a few people about their favourites before and the most common answer has been Every Breath You Take by The Police. Apparently that’s a common interpretation of the song, but it always makes me cringe. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great song; I love Sting and The Police. But it’s not a love song. It’s a song about obsession and the lyrics are actually quite sinister.

Every breath you take/every move you make
Every bond you break/every step you take
I’ll be watching you

Every single day/every word you say
Every game you play/every night you stay
I’ll be watching you

Sting wrote it during the collapse of his marriage and said he was thinking about Big Brother and control as much as anything else. I’m not sure why so many people think it’s a love song but apparently it’s still very popular at weddings. That just seems creepy; is a song like that really one we’d want to use to mark a union? It’s no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

It’s funny, though, because I’ve been thinking about that song a lot lately. When I was putting together my song list, Every Breath You Take just missed the cut. And recently I’ve been obsessing over things more than usual, so naturally started thinking about the song again. Mostly it’s little things but I can’t get them out of my head; a couple of things I said which were taken the wrong way; memories from years ago that keep popping up; paragraphs I keep rewriting because they’re still not right… it’s annoying and not like me to obsess over them like that.

I’m retraining myself to stop it but in a strange way it’s actually been quite useful. It’s made me look at myself in a different way, ask myself why I’m thinking those things… something I wouldn’t have done before. What it’s made me wonder as well is, is obsession actually such a bad thing? We’re told that an obsession is irrational, an unhealthy preoccupation with something or someone. It can be, but does that mean all obsessions are bad? I tend to think that sometimes focusing on a goal is the only way you can achieve it; like an athlete training for the Olympics, if it didn’t become their focus, would they have the drive to succeed?

Perhaps obsession is a relative thing. Let’s say someone wakes up at the same time, has the same breakfast, follows the same route to work each day. Does that make him obsessive and stubborn because he never changes his routine? Or does it make him sensible, because he knows what he needs to be effective? What if someone always checks the lights before they go outside, even when they know they’re off; if they do that a thousand times but it stops a fire once, does that make them obsessive? Or is it a precautionary habit?

I’ve often thought that there’s a thin line between an obsession and a habit and really they’re much the same. A habit can become just as much of an obsession over time. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re bad either. If checking the lights repeatedly gives you peace of mind, is that so bad? To me a habit or an obsession can serve a purpose – it’s when they begin to interfere in our lives that they become unhealthy. That’s when we need help.

Whether I’m that obsessive myself, I don’t know. I do keep to a routine; I try to eat at certain times, I’m usually online at the same times, and I write at night. But then I’m not afraid to break the cycle either… so maybe I am a little obsessive, but you probably need to be if you’re creative. How else can you stay motivated through the writer’s block?

I wonder what you think. Do you obsess over things? Is obsession necessarily bad? Can it be a good thing? I’d be interested to see what you think. 😉

Would you want to know?

Here’s a question for you. Imagine you’ve spent years trying to find the love of your life; you’ve dated and fallen in and out of love, but never found that special someone. Then finally you meet someone and you just click; it’s not something you can explain, you just feel an immediate attraction and it’s like you’ve known them all of your life. Soon you know it’s love and you can’t imagine being apart. You get married and start planning to spend the rest of your lives together… and then you discover that you are brother and sister.

That’s the story which has been coming out of Britain over the last few days. It’s so sad and what makes it even sadder is that they’re twins, which is why their connection was so strong. Their birth was normal (not in-vitro) and they were adopted by separate parents and never told that they had a twin. It wasn’t until after they were married that they discovered the truth. Now their marriage has been annulled and it’s sparked debate over whether children should have more access to the identity of their birth parents.

Supposedly this is very rare and you’d hope it is given all of the circumstances that would have to occur, but here’s my question. Imagine you’re in their position, a day before you’re about to hear the truth… would you want to know? If someone offered you the chance to know the truth but you knew it would destroy everything, would you still want to know?

I’ve been wondering about this since I heard the story, and I would. I believe it’s always better to know the truth, even if it’s incredibly painful. But I’ve read a few blogs which haven’t been as sure and honestly I can understand that too. It’s an incestuous relationship and if you knew you’d be repulsed, but for several years they (and you’d hope their families) thought they were a normal couple. It certainly would have been “easier” for them to go on in ignorance, if not “right”.

They must be living in their own kind of hell. To have formed that connection, then suddenly have it broken without the possibility of it being restored… I find that almost unimaginable. Not to mention it’d be impossible to see each other as brother and sister, so they’d actually be losing two relationships… the only good thing is that they didn’t have children. There was a case in Germany where a man served a two-year prison sentence after fathering four children with his sister; they’d been separated at birth.

It’s made me wonder about something else as well, though. Here I’d rather know, but what if I could find out the day I was going to die – is that something I’d want to know? Honestly, I’m not sure… a large part of me says yes; if I knew, I’d have time to say goodbye, time to live my life. But I think as well that I’d be more afraid of death if I knew; I’d know what I was losing, feel time slipping by… I’d rather value each day as it comes and I can only do that by not knowing… just as I’d rather not know if I’m supposed to meet someone, so I can value the relationships on the way.

If there’s one thing I want to take away from this story, it’s that. It’s so easy to take everything we have for granted; our homes, relationships, health… I’d hope something like this wouldn’t happen, but still, one day we might find it all gone. Better to cherish what we have now than have regrets later.

What about you? What would you do? Is there anything you’d rather not know? I’d be interested to find out. 😉